Every family seems to have that one person: the grandparent who becomes the child and no one decides that should be done. No one hands out titles. It happened to only one person, and the whole family seemed to know about it.
Few people are the hardest working people. Gifts, planned outings, “who loves you most” events, don’t seem to determine that. The favorite usually does something much more low-key and often doesn’t realize they’re doing anything at all.
Here are seven things to do to achieve this goal.
1. They move at the speed of a child
A child wants to observe the same insect for ten minutes. Most adults are already two steps down the road and say come on, let’s go. My favorite grandparents also squatted down and looked at the bug.
They are in no hurry. That’s all.
Children live with a slower, stranger sense of time than the rest of us, and they can sense the difference between those who wait for them and those who match them. Grandparents let a short walk take an hour and they had nowhere better to go but became the ones for the kids to relax. No rush. There is no check-in time. Just the same rhythm.
2. Lack of agenda
Parents usually have a goal, even a loving goal. Finish the food, finish your homework, put on your shoes, and be a decent person. This is work.
Grandparents often get away with it all, and the kids can feel it right away. This is an adult who doesn’t try to fix them or shape them or turn the afternoon into a lesson.
You’ll notice favorite grandparents asking their children what they want to do and then actually doing it, without needing guidance. There are no hidden courses. Time together means nothing. For a child who spends most of the week being corrected and coached, this companionship can feel like an open window.
3. They take the little things seriously
One child declares something that is huge to them and trivial to others. The teeth are loose. The drawing is finished. A worm was rescued from the driveway.
Most adults would give you a half-nod, “Yeah, cute,” with their eyes still glued to their phones. Favorite grandparents stopped by and treated it like news.
They asked which tooth. They wanted to see the painting up close. They asked the worm what happened next. It cost next to nothing and it just landed like everything because when you’re little, it’s rare to be taken seriously. Grandparents who do this become the first people their children run to precisely because they never make their children feel too small to matter.
4. When the rules are relaxed slightly
There is usually a house and sometimes dessert is served before dinner, bedtime is recommended and you are allowed to be a little louder. This is not chaos. It’s just softer.
Kids love this and it can easily be interpreted as disruptive. It’s usually something milder than that.
Favorite grandparents never hurt anyone. They just remember that childhood is short and a little sweetness goes a long way. They know their parents will hold the line at home, so they can loosen the reins. That little permission, a place where ordinary rules are relaxed, is a place a child will want to return to for the rest of his or her life.
5. They deliberately tell the same stories
Children love repetition, just as adults forget. They want the same story, the same voice, the same fun parts, and you always do the fun parts.
Favorite grandparents understand this and lean into it. A story about a puppy eating birthday cake. A story about their own childhood pranks. The kid has heard it forty times and still wants to ask.
What happened there is more important than the story. Repetition itself is comforting, a small, reliable ritual that children can rely on. Being the keepers of these stories, the ones who always tell them correctly, is why grandparents are irreplaceable. No one sounds the same way.
6. They don’t take their bad mood personally.
Kids have days off. They become grumpy, clingy, unreasonable, and they say unintentional things to even the most secure people.
Many adults experience this as a result of their own frustrations. Favorite grandparents tend to survive unscathed.
They don’t need their children to be pleasant in order to continue to love them, and they won’t back out when a visit goes sour. The temper has passed and they are still there, still warm and no resentment waiting on the other side. Children feel this stability even if they can’t name it. When a child feels like things are really big, a grandparent who can accommodate the space becomes the person the child looks to.
7. They seem to really enjoy it
This question is harder to pin down, but perhaps the most important. Some grandparents visit out of duty, and it shows. This is also shown by other lights that light up when a child walks in.
Children can tell the difference immediately.
Favorite grandparents show no patience or check boxes. They spend truly quality time on the floor of blocks, and the child can feel that they are wanted, not just tolerated. You can’t really fake that, which is part of why it works. Being with someone who is clearly happy to be around you is a feeling that most people don’t feel very often at any age.
The child just feels it more purely.
Conclusion
The list above doesn’t require a lot of planning or expense. No big trips, no expensive gifts, no jockeying for positions. What it takes is something closer to willingness: to set your own pace, follow your child’s lead, and be present without adding anything to the afternoon.
If you have such a grandparent in your life, or you are about to become one, the above list is shorter than it actually seems. Children remember the person who slowed down for them. Everything else is details.
