I live a boring life. I’m 39 and look the same most of the time.
I work in a small office, take walks, see family, lift weights, read and write. That’s it.
I like it.
The 19-year-old me would have scoffed at this. Even 29-year-old me would be like that. “Is this what life is all about?” he would say. “You have to be there. In the action!”
What action?
I think I watch too many TV shows and movies.
The dream you inherit is not a dream you keep
In my mind, I saw my life differently. When I was in my twenties, I watched a similar show mad Men and suit. I like that kind of life and want a big city.
Skyline Office. The business dinner lasted until midnight.
Instead, I graduated after the financial crisis and started a business with my father. We buy industrial laundry equipment, refurbish it, and sell it.
I was 24, driving to an industrial park to talk about used commercial washers and dryers, feeling like I was wasting my twenties.
I told myself this was only temporary. I plan to get through this and start living the loud, impressive life I’m living now hypothesis have.
It took me years to admit something simple. I actually don’t want that kind of life. I just feel like I should want it.
Most of us carry other people’s dreams with us in our heads. Before you make any choice about the matter, you absorb it.
Movies, music, what your friends are saying, content delivered to you by algorithms. By the time you’re twenty, you’ve got a complete idea of what success looks like. And almost none of this comes from you.
Seneca put it bluntly:
“It is not those who have too little who are poor, but those who always strive for more.”
Traps don’t want things. The trap is wanting things you don’t even like, just because the world tells you they are the right things.
taste everything you want
Now, I’m not saying you should skip the loud life and go straight into the quiet life.
on the contrary. If you want something, go and taste it. Because unexamined desire never goes away. It just whispers in the back of your mind that you’re missing out.
Most people have this desire:
- Hike through Asia or South America
- living in a big city
- Nomadic laptop lifestyle, working at the beach
- The entrepreneurial grind, working with a team to create something
- Party years, hanging out every weekend
If any of these appeal to you, give them a try. Really give it a try.
When I lived in London, I got a taste of city life. Always moving, always something happening. I got the photos of my dreams.
I don’t like it.
That taste is worth everything. I still have my back and forth. Sometimes I long for more social interaction, more activities, more energy in the city.
This is normal.
But now I can put that desire to the test with reality. I’ve been there. I know it actually feels different than what it looks like on screen.
When boredom becomes beautiful
Something slowly changed over the years.
In 2015, I returned to my hometown and started writing. I built a small business around it. I met my wife. We have a son.
There’s no way I could make a movie with my current schedule. But life feels good.
Most of the time I’m in no rush. I’m not waiting for the weekend. I’m not counting down to the holidays. My actual week is exactly what I want.
That was a test I missed when I was in my twenties. The right life is one where you don’t need to take vacations during your week.
Look carefully at the people you admire who have created something real. Almost everyone does this in a quiet life. Boring routine. Same table. Same time. The same few close people.
So why do we continue to pursue louder versions? There are two reasons.
The first one is Hedonic treadmill. Whatever you get, you’ll get used to it quickly. The excitement of a new car or title can wear off within a few months. Then you reach for the next one.
The second one is more honest. we are afraid of becoming inconspicuous.
The world keeps telling us that a normal life is a wasted life. Quiet equals small.
That’s a lie. Quiet doesn’t mean small. It means having no distracting thoughts.
Stop treating the present as a footnote
This is the deeper question behind it all.
Most people are so focused on the future that the present becomes a footnote. There’s something to go through. Something needs to be sacrificed.
Think about how crazy that is. Your whole life happens in the present moment. There is no other place where this can happen.
Anthony de Mello said:
“You don’t have to add anything to be happy; you have to give something away.”
You don’t need a city, title or airport lounge. You need to let go of the idea that your life begins after you get these things.
The Dalai Lama was once asked what surprised him most about mankind.
His answer: A man sacrifices his health to make money, and then sacrifices his money to regain his health. He is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present. Turns out he lives in neither.
However, a quiet life does not necessarily mean doing less things
Our goal is to be more present in each moment.
Make coffee. walk. Play with your children. When you give these things your full attention, they are no longer boring. They become your life, not the waiting room of your life.
This is the part no one wants to hear. It also means you stop looking at other people.
Every minute you spend observing other people’s lives is a minute you are absent from your own.
your dreams can change
If you told 24-year-old me that I would end up running a small business, pursuing a writing career, raising a child, and walking during the day in a quiet Dutch town, I would have been disappointed.
That’s because 24-year-old me just knew what he should want.
Today, I will not be trading any version this week suit Life.
Your dreams should change. The one you had at twenty was based on incomplete information about yourself.
When you understand who you really are, your dreams will catch up. satisfaction and ambition Not antagonistic. You can love your current week and move on to an even greater decade.
Marcus Aurelius kept reminding himself:
“You don’t need much to live a happy life; it’s all within yourself, in the way you think.”
If you’re building a life that doesn’t look exciting from the outside but feels good from the inside, you’re doing something right.
Stop looking from the outside.
