Some people seem to be in no rush with their lives, and once you notice it, you start to see how rare it is.
They are not lazy or passive. Things still have to be done. They just no longer force every result to be achieved as planned, and no longer view patience as a sign of not working hard enough.
This is reflected in the way they wait and the way they talk about things that haven’t happened yet. Here are eight little signs.
1. They no longer ask “Any news?”
Most people keep checking in while they’re waiting for the big thing. Job applications, test results, offers still pending. Refresh your inbox as if you owe them an answer.
This man did the opposite. They send something and then put it down with sincerity. Not out of enforcing discipline, but gritting your teeth and resisting the urge. They just accept the answer and it will come when it comes and staring at the phone won’t make it move any faster.
They could go all afternoon without mentioning what they were waiting for. It’s still out there somewhere. There was just no show while they waited.
2. The carefree “we’ll see”
When you ask them how things will pan out, you usually get a simple “we’ll see.” Not the dismissive version people use to end conversations. for real.
They mean it literally. They don’t know yet, but they’ve come to terms with not knowing.
Most people find the gap between questions and answers intolerable and fill it with predictions, worst-case scenarios, backup plans of backup plans. This person is in ignorance and does not need to be addressed early. When you ask them what they think is going to happen, they’ll honestly tell you it’s too early to tell and then change the subject without anxiety.
3. Leave the plan in a semi-formed state
Some people can’t rest until every detail of a trip or project is finalized months later. Every scheduled hour, every contingency is mapped.
You will notice that the person leaves the space. They’ll work out the shape of a plan, the big sections, and then they let the rest fill in as they progress. A weekend with nothing scheduled after Saturday morning won’t make them nervous.
To planners, this looks like confusion. Usually this is not the case. They just learned that the best part of anything is the part you can’t write into the itinerary. So they left the door open on purpose.
4. When a friend disappears for a season
A good friend disappeared from the radar for months. Most people start keeping score, wondering what it means, feeling the slight pang of being forgotten.
People who make peace with slow things will interpret it differently. They know that people disappear into their seasons and come back. A new baby, hard work at work, bad things you don’t want to talk about.
So they don’t panic and they don’t take it personally. When the friend shows up again months later, they more or less pick up where they left off. Ledgers without missed calls need to be settled first. It’s just, oh, great, you’re back.
5. They don’t push others to make decisions
Watch how they treat people who have not yet made up their minds. A friend is deciding whether to quit her job, a partner is faced with a big choice, and a child is wondering what happens next.
Most of us push, whether gently or not, because others’ indecision also makes us restless. This person can sit back and take their time making the decision without pushing it.
Every now and then they’ll ask a question and then leave it alone. They seem to understand that some things cannot be survived in a hurry, and that the choices a person makes on their own are better than the choices they are pushed to make. So they gave people the rooms they wanted.
6. Garden Logic
There’s a way of thinking about effort that shows up in the way they talk. They tend to describe things in terms of planting and care, rather than victory and completion.
You hear it in words. Give it some time. See how it grows. A week after they put the seeds in, they didn’t expect to see fruit.
It’s not just for actual gardens. A new skill, a slowly building friendship, a kid who is finding his footing. They’ve accepted the old idea that some things just change with the seasons, and no matter how much they stand on them, they don’t grow any faster. Their job is to take care of it and then step back.
7. Say “It’s still early” and mean what you say.
A new relationship, a new project, a first draft of anything. When someone asks how it’s going, the person will often say “it’s early,” and they say it in a lighthearted way.
There is no pressure here. They don’t make excuses for slow progress or manage anyone’s expectations. They just sincerely think this thing is still young.
This person is happy to leave something uncertain for a while while others want to jump to conclusions and make it clear whether it works or not. Before they decide what it is, they give it space to be what it is going to be. In their book, early days is a good place to be.
8. They don’t get bogged down by delays
The flight was postponed. The project schedule was delayed. What was supposed to happen this month may now happen next month.
Most people are angry about this. You can see the frustration setting in and plan to mentally rearrange on the fly. The man just shrugged it off, it wasn’t an act.
They no longer view delays as personal affronts. A later arrival is just a different arrival. They adjust, they wait, and they don’t spend extra time agonizing over the fact that they have to wait. When it happens it happens, and they’ve found a way to fix it.
You don’t have to be a naturally patient person to do more of this. Most people who come here are not born calm with time. They’re just tired of being rushed into things that are never rushed.
Look at the people around you, they seem eerily unfazed. You can usually learn something from their waiting.
