We spend a third of our lives at work, and it would be great if we enjoyed our work. But at the places I worked, I hated every minute of it and cried every morning before setting off. There is a boss who is annoying. He would change the goals of the project, deny or insist he sent the messages, lie about deadlines, and tell me I was being too sensitive when I spoke. I didn’t realize until now that he was a gaslighter.
Here’s what other bosses say when gaslighting you.
phrases a gaslight boss would say
What is gaslighting? Why is it so disruptive at work?
we know Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation designed to make you doubt your own sense of reality. Gaslighting at work Extremely destructive. It damages productivity, destroys self-esteem, damages relationships with colleagues, and has a devastating impact on mental health.
A recent poll showed that a whopping 58% of 3,033 people had experienced gaslighting at work. So, how do you know if you’re being manipulated by your boss?
Chris Kerridge is an employee engagement expert at MHR Global. Gaslighting, he said, is not as obvious as bullying, which is problematic.
“In many cases (gaslighting) can be so subtle that some people may not even know it’s happening until they stop and think about it, which may be why it happens so often.”
However, you can identify a gaslighter by the following phrases:
They lied about what they said.
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“I never said that.”
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“I already told you…”
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“You must have forgotten.”
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“You didn’t follow my instructions.”
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“You remembered it wrong.”
These are classics Gaslighting Phrasesdesigned to make you question your memory. You question your memory.
“Did I hear it correctly?” “Maybe I remembered it wrong.”
How to respond:
If you have evidence that your gaslighting boss is lying, you can show them emails or text messages, etc. But these types of manipulators are smart. They rarely make mistakes and leave evidence behind.
If evidence is lacking, state “my memory is different” and move on. Don’t explain or defend yourself. That’s exactly it what does your boss want.
They imply that you are too sensitive.
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“I’m just joking.”
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“You’re too sensitive, calm down.”
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“Don’t take it too personally.”
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“Where’s your sense of humor?”
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“To work here, you need to have a thicker skin.”
This is your gaslighting boss trying to get away with inappropriate behavior. They put the responsibility for their actions on you. It’s not that their jokes are offensive; You can’t take a joke.
How to respond:
There’s a lot of advice on social media right now Dealing with offensive jokes Or misogynistic comments. When you ask criminals to explain their jokes, the onus goes back to them. Now they are in the spotlight and must explain their nasty comments.
They tell you to calm down.
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“You really need to calm down.”
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“You look emotional right now.”
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“You always exaggerate things.”
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“I’m worried about you. You’re all over the place.”
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“I think you need a break. You’re clearly not up to the job.”
It’s not surprising that you get emotional when your boss gets mad at you. But instead of listening to your concerns, they trivialize your feelings using the above phrases. This makes you more emotional, which “proves” their point.
How to respond:
Your gaslighting boss wants a reaction. The more hysterical and dramatic the better. They pay attention to your behavior because it distracts from their behavior. Remember, you can’t control your feelings, so they are valid. In response to their dismissive attitude, you could say:
“I need you to focus on what I’m saying, not how I’m saying it.”
They call you crazy.
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“You’re going crazy.”
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“Everyone thinks you’re crazy.”
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“You’re acting crazy.”
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“You’ve lost the plot.”
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“You are emotionally unstable.”
These gaslighting phrases come straight from The Manipulator’s Playbook. They want to throw you off balance and make you question reality. You doubt your memory. Did you say that? Did this really happen? Suddenly, you’re not sure anymore.
How to respond:
When a gaslighting boss calls you crazy, they’ve laid the foundation for you to question yourself. Now that you understand they are playing mind games, record all conversations and actions. So when they call you crazy, you can counter their lies.
They pretend to apologize.
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“I’m sorry you’re angry.”
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“I’m sorry if I did anything wrong.”
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“I apologize if I gave you the wrong impression.”
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“I’m sorry, but…”
Instead of admitting his bad behavior, a gaslighting boss provides a fake apology. As far as they were concerned, that was the end of the matter. They just want to draw a line under the situation so they can move on to the next situation.
How to respond:
There are many different views on this How to Deal with a False Apology. You can choose to accept the apology and move on, or you can question it. For example,
“I accept your apology, but I will not tolerate this behavior anymore.” Or, “Don’t apologize for how I felt, apologize for what you did.”
How to deal with a gaslighting boss
1. Gaslighting at work is harassment
any type harassment at work is illegal. Because gaslighting is insidious and difficult to detect, it is important to document the incident. Keep a record of text messages, emails, or write gaslighting entries with dates and times. Once you have a record of evidence, you can get support or make a complaint.
2. Seek support within or outside the company
Find out if the company has a human resources department, benefits officer, counselor, or union. If they don’t, are there senior colleagues you trust who you can talk to?
If there are no resources available within the company, you may have to look externally. For example, a support hotline for workplace issues or legal assistance. You can also see your doctor, who may be able to provide mental health support.
3. Talk to family and friends
A friend of mine was affected by gaslighting at work several years ago. He became severely depressed, unemployed, and suffered from severe anxiety attacks. He would sit in my house and cry. We discussed his options: continue to call in sick, go to HR, file a complaint, etc. He said he felt better talking and knowing he had someone’s back.
final thoughts
Gaslighting at work can have devastating effects on you. Working in a toxic environment every day not only damages your self-esteem, it also makes you question your abilities, makes you feel isolated, and can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts.
Now that you know what it’s like, I hope you can get the support you need.
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Associate Editor and Staff Writer exist learning mentality
Janey Davies has been publishing online for over 10 years. She has suffered from panic attacks for more than 30 years, which led her to study at the Open University and gain an honors degree in psychology. Jenny uses her own experience of anxiety to provide help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.
