I have been quietly studying the happiest people in my life for years. Not the loudest or most successful. The ones who are truly content, the ones who seem to have settled in while most of us are still struggling with our inboxes.
They are a mixed group. Different ages, different jobs, different countries. But their mornings look eerily similar, and neither one would call what they do routine.
Here are five things that keep popping up before 9 a.m., in one version or another.
1. They went out before going online
Almost everyone is introduced to the outdoors at an early age. Take a walk around the block before everyone else gets up, drink coffee on the balcony, spend ten minutes in the garden.
It’s rarely dramatic. No one can summit anything. But seeing actual daylight before seeing the screen seems to set the tone for the entire day.
A friend of mine turns on the kettle and stands at the door every morning, letting the kettle boil, whether it’s raining or not. He’s been doing this for twenty years. He couldn’t tell you why it was important. All he knew was that the days he skipped felt a little off, like a shirt with the wrong buttons.
2. Unopened mobile phone
The happiest people I know are surprisingly slow to pick up their phones. It’s not that there’s no calling, it’s not that there’s preaching about it. Just late.
They would bathe, eat, talk to their children, and then start reading the message. Some people charge their phones in the kitchen so there are no phones in the bedroom. Others leave it face down until breakfast is finished.
They all seemed to understand that the first minutes of the day were theirs and once the phone was on, they belonged to everyone else. Every email is someone else’s agenda. They make the world wait for an hour, and the world always survives the hour.
3. Do one thing slowly
At some point in the morning, they will complete a small action with full concentration. The coffee is brewed to perfection and is meant to be drank while sitting rather than swallowed while standing over the sink. Breakfast is eaten, not inhaled. A page of a book.
Never anything impressive. That seems to be the point.
Most mornings are fast forward, all prelude to leaving the house. These people carve out a pocket and take their time. My version is my daughter’s first cup of coffee before she wakes up. Ten minutes, maybe less. Sometimes, these are the only unhurried moments I have, and it’s enough to remind me what it feels like to not be rushed.
4. They take action before deciding whether to act
Some of them ran away. Some people swim, stretch, ride bikes, or simply walk their dogs longer than their dogs need. Various forms. What doesn’t change is that it happens automatically before the vote.
They don’t wake up and ask themselves if they want to. This question was retired years ago. The shoes stay on, the body goes out, and the debate never gets underway.
The interesting thing is that it takes very little time. Very few of these people are athletes. Fifteen or twenty minutes seemed to be enough. They come back warmer and clearer, and whatever was looming at 6 a.m. usually shrinks to its actual size.
5. While the house is still quiet
Almost all of them protect a few minutes of quiet. Some people meditate. Most people don’t. They were just sitting somewhere, drinking something, and calming their minds before the noise started.
No podcasts, no news, no productivity. Just sit.
On the surface it seems like it does nothing, and I guess it does. But there’s a difference between a day that you enter deliberately and a day that starts happening as soon as you open your eyes. The happiest people I know seem to find little ways to choose their days before they choose them.
All without having to wake up at 5am or overhaul anything. Most of these habits take a few minutes, and each one is free.
I think what they all have in common is that they all approach the day gently rather than being dragged into it. Happy people realize this early on. The rest of us can start tomorrow.
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