If you use dating apps, you know the difficulties. Online dating is hard…the “hey” conversations that go nowhere with no replies, priceless WTF moments and ghosting, I’ve been there and done that.
The struggle is real for many of us – but I think so is the radiance.
If you’ve used dating apps or heard stories about them from friends, you know the difficulties. Online dating is hard. Countless unanswered messages. “Hi” opening lines won’t help. Random “wyd?” text message at 11:47pm from someone who’s been bothering you for weeks. Priceless WTF moment. Of course…ghosting. Lots of ghosting.
I’ve been there, done that. Staring at my screen wondering how someone could go from “You’re awesome 😍” to disappearing like they were in witness protection. Like “Hey, did you just meet someone or something?”
Online dating is like: It’s 50% hope for anyone who downloads the app, 50% confusion for most of us, and 100% emotional struggle for all of us.
But here’s the thing: Online dating can sometimes feel confusing, exhausting, and even a little heartbreaking… able Work. All you need is strategy, boundaries, and a little emotional intelligence.
Let’s break it down in more detail. Read to the end for more updates on how to win online dates.
The struggle we don’t talk about enough
1. The “Hey/Hi” epidemic
You match. You are excited.
You can even offer to send a friendly, funny, witty, inspiring or any other opening line.
You show personality, humor, and whatever else you have to offer.
They replied: “Hi,” he said, barely forming a complete sentence.
Never ask questions.
Just like that, you can have an entire conversation like a monologue, and you’ll be paid for it.
Why it happens:
Some people are boring. Some people don’t know how to communicate. Some people are sending messages to everyone.
I want to say: they are simply too uninterested. Probably because there are hundreds of matches and a lot of messages received.
Reality check: If someone shows lower effort early on, that’s usually their baseline, not a phase. What’s more, they may not be that interested for whatever reason.
2. Endless pen pals
You’ve been sending text messages for several days. Your momentum. You start to imagine how a first date would go.
Then days turned into weeks. And then maybe even a few months.
But what about when you offer to actually meet? All of a sudden, they’re either in Thailand for three months, right next to you, or they’re super busy and you can’t even find a spot on their calendar.
Why it happens:
The sad reality is that dating apps are just entertainment outlets for many people. It gives them the validation and attention they want, helps them fill the hole inside, and even allows them to dip their feet into uncharted waters while still being in a relationship. Others have invested half their efforts elsewhere, perhaps spinning multiple plates to ensure the best one, or have a few to spare if one doesn’t work.
red flag: If someone you met online avoids meeting in person or ignores your invitations to meet each other in real life after you vibrate and maybe have been chatting for a while, they may just want validation rather than a relationship.
3. Ghosting: a modern pandemic
Otherwise everything goes smoothly, you chat and the other person shows interest. But then…silence.
No explanation. There is no closure. Didn’t reply to your message or even your friendly reminder. .just chaos (for you).
Ghosting stings because it makes you question a lot of things:
- Did I say it wrong?
- Did something happen to the other party?
the truth: Ghosting says more about their communication skills than your worth, so whenever this happens, try to get rid of it. Be prepared to be attacked by ghosts often, it happens incredibly often. Use this as a reminder not to lie to others and to treat them with respect. If you are no longer interested, communicate openly and honestly.
4. The “situational” trap
Well, that last one may come up more often, later on. But it also happens online, so let’s include it.
You talk every day. You imagine what your future with that person will look like. You already have your own inside jokes. But if you bring up actual meetings and future plans, suddenly they’re “not ready for the label of dating.” So all of a sudden, you’re no longer dating and the other person is just looking for friendship.
Translation: They want the benefits without taking the responsibility, otherwise you’ll just be friend-zoned.
Why Online Dating Feels So Difficult
Online dating removes context and is one of the most talked about markets. Yes, it’s superficial. Yes, you will be evaluated and rejected within seconds. Based purely on your appearance, not your personality. You have seconds to judge (and be judged by) based on:
- photo
- Short bio (if people actually take the time to read these)
- The resonance of the previous paragraphs
There are endless options, especially considering dating apps are designed to keep you swiping a lot. In real life, when you go out to meet people, you only have a few options for singles, but online it’s a completely different story. There may be hundreds or even thousands of people near you.
When people think there’s always “someone better” out there, or that they meet new and exciting people every day, they won’t invest deeply, which can create a vicious cycle.
It’s a culture of convenience mixed with emotional risk and a lot of uncertainty.
But the good news is… (keep reading, there’s a bright side to it).
How to Really Succeed in Online Dating
1. Upgrade your profile (Profilemaxxing, anyone?)
Your profile is not a resume, it is the highlight of your personality. So, spend a lot of time optimizing your profile. Funny photos showing you engaging in your hobbies. Stand out from the crowd. Have professional photos.
Do this instead:
- Use clear, recent photos.
- Include at least one full-body photo.
- Show a hobby or interest (not just a selfie in the mirror).
- Write something specific in your resume.
Specific, engaging, interesting, curious, original = memorable.
2. Stop sending boring messages
“Hey” means lazy. “What’s wrong?” Same thing. and “hi”.
“Wyd” is uninspired.
Try this formula:
- Comment something on their profile. (Read their bios).
- Comment on their image, especially if they are doing something interesting or memorable.
- Plus a playful twist.
- Ask an open-ended question.
- Ask general questions. Show interest.
example:
“Okay, you said you make the best tacos. Bold statement. What’s your secret ingredient?”
Effort attracts effort. Additionally, it singles out people who are generally uninterested or unwilling to participate in the conversation. Because actually answering a deep question requires time to think and so on.
3. Don’t overinvest prematurely
It’s easy to be attracted by potential. It’s easy to be swayed just by thinking about the future you two could have. But remember: you don’t know this person yet.
Match the energy.
Don’t re-text someone who hasn’t responded in two days.
Don’t have any need.
Don’t start planning your wedding just after a nice conversation.
Pace protects your safety. Think about it. Internalize it.
4. Go offline as soon as possible
If the atmosphere is good, suggest a few simple things:
- coffee
- walk
- Casual drinks
You can learn more in one hour of face-to-face communication than in two weeks of text messaging. Plus, it can also tell you quickly if the two of you don’t have feelings for each other in real life, or if you’re not interested in each other for some reason.
What if they keep dodging? This is your answer. Be grateful and keep going. They save you a lot of time.
5. Set standards and stick to them
Know what you want before you start swiping:
- Casually?
- long?
- marriage?
- Just resonance?
When you are clear, you will obviously stop entertaining those who are inconsistent. Save you more time.
Clarity saves time.
6. Don’t take it personally (ever!)
Not every game is going to be a success.
Not every date will click.
Not every conversation turns into something meaningful.
Not personal. The less invested you are in the outcome, the better.
This doesn’t mean you’re unattractive, boring, or worthless. It’s just that people might be looking for something else. or anyone else. Or maybe even have completely unrealistic expectations.
Don’t take the dating game personally. It’s a huge market and everyone has a specific need as well as a product.
Online dating is about filtering, not failure.
7. Take a break
If you feel burned out, annoyed, or cynical…quit. Take a break and disable discovery.
Dating works best when you are in a good mental state.
Burnout can lead to poor choices and low standards.
Reset. Then come back stronger. Or take it to real life, like people have done for thousands of years.
The real secret to winning at online dating
confidence.
Not the loud, arrogant kind.
The calm, secure kind.
Be that person. Not poor, not arrogant. Just be yourself. Boldly.
The kind that says:
- “If they ghost, that’s okay. Thank you for revealing your true colors so quickly.”
- “If this doesn’t work, someone else will. I’ll probably meet my dream partner in less than 100 swipes.”
- “I’m not chasing, I’m attracting.”
Online dating is not about convincing someone to choose you.
It’s about finding someone who comes naturally to you. A person who will accompany you throughout your life.
final thoughts
Online dating is like:
- 30% excited
- 30% confusion
- 20% disappointed
- 20% “Maybe this is different”
- 100% frustration.
It’s chaotic and completely unpredictable. It’s hilarious at times (but not enough to feel truly happy). Heartbreaking at times. An uncomfortable reality check at times.
But what if you approached it with boundaries, self-awareness, confidence, and a little strategy?
It’s less of a battlefield and more of a filtering system that guides you to exactly where you’re supposed to be.
When it finally clicks?
All the “hey” messages and ghost stories become part of the plot. The episode where you meet your absolute dream partner.
Be patient. Be intentional. And please…cancel the “wyd” text message. Don’t let frustration bring you down.
