I will never forget the early moments of my career at an IT research company.
I stayed there for several months. Quiet, observant, still finding his place.
Then one day, while in a meeting, I had an idea. In my mind, I already imagined myself sharing my genius idea and looking at all the impressed faces.
So I waited for the right moment and then I said it.
I got nothing. Literally no reaction at all.
The conversation continued as if I hadn’t said anything.
That moment stuck with me. I am determined not to experience anything like this again. I know the solution is not to shut up, as that is a normal reaction, but to express myself better.
I have to do a better job of translating my thoughts into words so people will stop and listen.
So I have to work hard. Over the years I’ve discovered that this skill can be compounded on everything:
- relation. Expressing yourself clearly and without any defensiveness is the difference between a problem-solving couple and a couple who gossip about each other all the time.
- Work. People who can articulate their ideas in meetings are taken more seriously. Not because they are smarter. Because they sound like they know what they’re doing.
- negotiation. Buy a car, turn down a contractor, ask for a raise. Being able to express yourself clearly is often the difference between getting what you want and getting less.
These are just a few examples. Expressing yourself correctly will impact every area of your life.
This is not talent. This is a skill.
Most people think of clarity as something that you either have or you don’t. Some people are just good with words.
That’s not what happened.
When I decided to start a podcast and record film sessions, I had to talk about the ideas I cared about on camera, without a script and without a second take.
The first few months were tough. I’d lose my train of thought in a minute. I would stumble, repeat myself, and end up with nothing.
But I kept going. It gets better every month. Within a few years, I was able to work longer hours without screwing up.
This happened because I simply became aware of the concept and actually found the time to practice it.
how to express yourself better
The obvious advice is write every dayread widely, and speak out loud regularly. It’s all true. I won’t spend too much time on this.
That’s what really moved me.
Think of yourself as a storyteller.
This is the most important thing.
Follow the same structure every time you speak.
Set, accumulate, pay off.
That’s it.
This transformation changed everything for me. Here’s how it works.
1. Setup (Start)
Tell the audience just enough to understand what is happening. Who, where and what is at risk. Keep it tight (see the beginning of this article for example).
The setting is not the story. it’s just Door Get into the story. Most people here spend way too long explaining background that no one needs.
2. Construction (middle)
This is where the tension lies. Something happens, changes, or goes wrong. That’s why this story exists.
Without this part, you don’t have a story; without this part, you don’t have a story. You have a report. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. This is important. A decision, a conflict, a moment of realization. Constructed well enough for the listener to listen attentively.
3. Return (End)
That’s the point. Something you want them to take away. A lesson, a punch line, an insight, a result. Know this before you ask. If you don’t know your reward, then you’re not ready to tell the story. A story without a clear payoff is just noise with an extra step.
Remember: prepare, accumulate, reward.
Over and over again, first the small talk, then the big talk.
Most people just start talking and hope it helps. They jump between ideas, loop and add things they forgot. The listener will be disoriented. A lost listener stops listening.
When you think like a storyteller, you give people a clue to follow. A clear beginning tells them what it is about. Create tension or an argument in the middle. A closing that captures the main point and makes it stick.
your brain is wire story. Research consistently shows that people remember information presented in narrative form far better than facts conveyed alone. Stories trigger something deeper. Use that.
This is how it works in everyday life. You’re having dinner and someone asks you how your day was. Most people would throw away a random series of events.
The storyteller chooses a moment, stages it, briefly constructs it, and ends with something worth telling. Thirty seconds. The guy across the table was actually very interested.
The same goes for meetings. The same goes for phone calls. This is true in any conversation where you want to be understood and remembered.
The most common mistakes that ruin your story
Understanding the structure is one thing. It’s equally important to understand what breaks it.
- Confusing the timeline. The moment you say, “Oh, actually, before that…” you lose them. Keep chronological order. Tell things in the order they happened. If you need to go back in time, do it explicitly and get back on track.
- Introduce additional characters. “So my coworker told me, and then his manager told me, and there was this other guy…” Stop. If someone isn’t important, delete them. Every unnecessary character is a weight that the listener must bear.
- The closing price is not known before the market opens. This is the biggest one. Most people don’t know where they are going when they start talking. You can feel it when someone does this – the story gets longer, the energy drops, and it ends with something vague like “…yeah, that was fun.” Know the ending before you start. The ending is the whole reason you tell the story.
- Over-explanation. You don’t need to justify every detail or preempt every issue. Tell me something. I believe the audience will understand. The more you explain, the less you sound convinced of what you’re saying.
- Make yourself the hero. The story that you always look good feels like PR. The stories that really connect are the ones in which you made mistakes, struggled, or solved problems the hard way. That’s what people relate to.
How to start practicing today
Start small. The next time someone asks you how your day was or what happened in a meeting, resist the urge to spill the beans. Pause for two seconds. Choose one thing. Set it, build it, close it.
Open, middle, closed. Over and over again. Have small conversations first, then big conversations.
the more you readthe more material you need to extract.
Over time, it becomes automatic. You stop thinking about structure and just talk about it, but the structure is underneath, holding everything together.
That’s when people start to notice that you speak well.
one more thing
All of this has a side effect that people don’t talk about enough.
When you are able to express yourself clearly, your confidence will grow.
Because you know that when you open your mouth, something useful will come out.
This is important in a world where standing out is harder than ever.
Most people have good thoughts and ideas. Many of us have a great contribution to make.
But few share their ideas in a practical way.
Be one of the few.
